


Resolution

by BiWiccanEmoFangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dean Winchester Has Nightmares, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Needs Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Eventual Smut, Finale Fixit, Fix-It, Grace-Soul Bonding (Supernatural), Jack saves Cas, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiWiccanEmoFangirl/pseuds/BiWiccanEmoFangirl
Summary: After the events of 15x19, a fixit where Dean has emotions, resurrection happens, and Destiel happens how it should have. Starts in line with the canon, then goes on a journey of realization that the world will always need the Winchesters.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Pretence

**Author's Note:**

> You can check out my Tumblr - agentoflupa - for full details on my opinion of the finale, but to put it simply, I'm suffering, you're suffering, J2M are suffering, it just left me a bit broken. So this is highly self indulgent, but feel free to enjoy! It picks up at the end of 15x19 and just goes on a long path that is so far from the terrible canon ending it's another universe.

Dean breathed in the sound of people, noise, chatter, life. The worst part of everyone being dead was the silence. It was far easier to lose your emotions in a crowd rather than a silence so profound, you can hear your heart pumping. And Dean could hear his heart breaking.

Because he had been trying so hard to hide his feelings, there was now a lake's worth of emotion behind a quickly crumbling dam. He had tried to get as much anguish out of his system as possible in the room where Cas had died and then put on the brave face he had been practicing since his mother died that fateful night. There had always been a bigger threat, a person to look after, a job to be doing. But the defeat of God himself had left Dean on somewhat of a precipice, like a road that had just turned off, but he had missed the turning.

With Chuck still at large, it was easy. All of him was invested in The Plan, or trying to find one. Then came the phone call. The mask had almost slipped then, when he heard Cas' voice, and he had rushed up the stairs. But it had been that dick Lucifer, and when Dean realized he wasn't back from the dead, it felt like watching him die all over again.

But then came their plan to depower God. That had provided an excellent distraction for however long it had taken. But that was finished, and Jack had fazed out of this plane, up to heaven. And now there was no barrier between him and a lifetime of repressed heartache and tragedy.

His head was spinning, and he was sure the air was thinning around him. He couldn't talk, think, breathe. Had he been poisoned? It felt like it. His blood pumped in his ears and he felt close to collapse.

"So what now?" asked Sam quietly. And that was what did it. Because what would they do now? They had lost everything in a battle to defeat God himself. They had lost Eileen, and Charlie. And Cas. He had lost Cas. And that opened the floodgates. His body shook with silent, barely contained sobs. He ran a had over his face, covering half of it, similar to how he had been when Cas first died.

After a few seconds of realizing that Dean hadn't replied, Sam turned around.

"Dean? Dean!"

Sam's arms closed around Dean's shaking body, rubbing his arms up and down his brother's back. He manoeuvred him over to the car, opened the back seat, and gently pushed him inside. Once they were both in, Sam tried to pull Dean's hand away from his mouth, but to no avail.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay Dean. You have to let it out. Let go." But Dean was still vibrating with the effort of keeping quiet, so Sam climbed into the front seat and started driving. It was only a short way back to the bunker. Once at the entrance, Sam pulled Dean to his feet and inside.

Once down in the main room, he set Dean down on the floor. Then after fetching him a drink of water, he returned, thinking he would have to pull his brother's hand away again. But Dean had already done that. He was practically convulsing with sobs, rocking back and forth, hitting his hand against the wall.

Sam came up carefully behind him and wrapped his arms around him. Dean writhed, desperately trying to throw him off, struggling for breath, flailing and kicking. He struggled against Sam's grip relentlessly, torn between self-punishment, and relaxing into the pressure. 

After nearly 20 minutes, Dean's cries had subsided, and he had only nearly punched Sam twice, and broken one glass. That had been scary, when had not only broken the glass, but grabbed at the shards, slicing his palms open. Once Dean had collapsed into Sam's arms and stopped with quite such violent movements, Sam took the chance to lead Dean back to his bedroom, stopping only to pick up from storage the large blanket that only came out when they were ill or hurt. He wrapped Dean in it, and placed him on his bed.

He instructed Dean to stay exactly where he was, and went into the bathroom for the medical kit. When he came back, Dean was still slumped against the wall, staring into space, face flushed from crying. Sam perched carefully on the mattress, tending to Dean's hand. After all the shards of glass were out of his palm, Sam wrapped it in gauze, being reminded forcefully of a reversed situation many years ago.

After a few minutes of silence, Sam spoke. "What's wrong Dean? I mean, we won. Jack's God. Everyone's back-"

"Cas isn't!" shouted Dean, using actual words for the first time in the last hour. "He's gone! And it's my fucking fault!"

Slightly alarmed, but now very much interested, Sam bit. "Dean, how on Earth is it your fault?" Dean's voice turned low.

"D'you know how he... went?" stumbled Dean. Sam shook his head. "We were locked in that room, with Billie knocking down the door, and then Cas starts telling me that he can summon the Empty. That he made a deal," at the point Dean stopped to take a long slow breath, voice hollow ", a deal with the Empty for Jack's life. The deal was, if he was ever truly happy, the Empty would come and get him. Like the Angel vs Angeleus thing from Buffy, with the gypsy curse. Then he starts going on about the meaning of true happiness, and how I'm an amazing person and stuff." Dean's voice was nothing but a dead whisper. "And then he told me he loved me. Course then the Empty comes. Sucks up Billie. Sucks up him. He's gone Sammy."

Sam was silent for a moment, still shell shocked.

"Did you love him back?"

"Yeah. Didn't act like it at times, repressed it, confused by it. But yeah. And now he's gone. And I want to be gone too."

"No! Never, ok? You've still got me."

"But I don't have him! Why is it that I only ever get left with one person? It's not fair! When in life did it become okay for us to have only one person left? When did that become the standard?! When was it written that it was ok for us to be shocked to have friends?! And to lose them!? And I have to keep pretending that it's all ok, and it's not okay, and I just wanna -" But then he just trailed off, and sank into the pillow, eyes pressed tight.

They sat together on the bed for a few more minutes, before there was a crash downstairs. Sam reached for the gun in his belt, while Dean reached under his pillow.

They crept down the stairs, into the main room, around the broken glass and into the kitchen. Dean's hand tightened on the trigger. He may be only 20 after a mental breakdown, but his trigger finger was sharp as always. That had been drilled into him from a very young age: "even if the rest of you is broken, it don't matter as long as you can shoot straight". That was a lesson his dad had taught him.

As the turned into the kitchen, they found an incredibly large box. Bright pink, covered in glitter, with an envelope on top.

They knocked once on the box, then sprang back. It didn't move. Sam grabbed the envelope from the top of the box. There was a card inside. It read, in a fancy swirling script

Dear Sammoose and Deano!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Sorry about that, the shop didn't have any Congratulations for saving everything! cards, so this will have to work. I could have made one, but I'm a little low on juice. As the official messanger, I've come to deliver something. A little thank you on the behalf of everything. Sammy, my Sammy, please make sure your less handsome brother doesn't faint.

Love ya!!

Sam set the card down. "Is it me, or did that sound like Gabriel?"

"Yes, but he's dead. He can't just undie."

"Well by that standard, we are massive hypocrites."

Dean shrugged. "Well if it is Gabriel, be prepared for an avalanche of sweets or puppies." He reached for the large 'pull here to open' tag, and yanked.

The box opened in almost slow motion, unfurling one panel at a time. Once it was done, it revealed a chair. A chair with a person bound to it with strawberry laces. A person in a dirty trench coat.

"Cas?"

"Got it in one Deano! You like the present?" called a voice from behind them.

Gabriel sat cross legged on the counter, twirling a lollipop in his mouth. He hoped down, and grinned.

"Gabriel!" Sam choked out.

"The very same! I must say, I'm impressed. The amount of birds you've flipped at dear old Dad since my untimely heroic demise could fill an aviary!"

"Is Cas your idea? Bringing him back?" asked Sam. Dean remained frozen.

"Wish I could take credit, but I think that was Jack's doing. He brought me back too. To tell the truth, I'm proud of the kid. God is quite an upgrade."

There was an awkward silence for a few more moments, then, "Well aren't you going to untie my baby bro. I tried to make his gag as nice as possible, but it's never comfortable to have your mouth rendered useless. I'd know. Also, he's going to need it for things, if you catch my drift."

Sam immediately untied the strawberry laces from Cas' mouth and limbs. Once stood up, Sam hugged him, clapping him on the back. Cas then turned to Dean.

Dean ran his hand up and down Cas' arm, before letting out a shaky breath, and pulling him close. Unlike Sam he did not clap him on the back. He held him close, his head resting in the crook of Cas' neck, breathing in his scent, basking in his warmth, relishing the sound of his heartbeat. This time round, he would try to drop the pretence.


	2. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eileen finds her way home, celebrations are had, and truths are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next chapter is highly Saileen centric, the Destiel coming in in the next chapter which is already in writing. Send me requests for what you want to see, but this story will eventually in involve wings, Domestic!Winchesters, Grace-Soul bonds, and job applications. This is a story of love, family, and a world that will always need the Winchesters.

Cas and Dean had just finished embracing when a phone went off. The two sprang apart as if stung, Cas looking rather hurt, and Dean rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, heat flaming all the way up to his ears. He picked up his phone immediately, but put it down just as quickly when he realized it wasn't his.

After sifting through the sofa a little, Sam found his phone, and pressed the button.

"Hello?" Sam's stomach jolted in fear and blind hope.

"Eileen?"

"Ok, remember, I can't really hear you, so just let me clear some things up. Yes, it's Eileen, no I don't know where I am, I'm calling from a pay phone. It's on the B36. Can you pick me up?" And then the call bleeped out.

There was a long pause of silence, no one moving or breathing. Sam looked at the phone, Dean looked at Sam, Cas looked at Dean, and Gabriel looked at his third lolly that hour.

"That happened, right?! That, like, actually just happened?!" burst out Sam after a few minutes.

"Yes," stated Cas, in his oddly confused, blunt manner. Dean smiled fondly at him and then blushed and averted his eyes when he realized Gabriel was looking right at him.

"Ok, well, we should go get her then. Right?" asked Sam, nervously.

"Sammy, why the hesitation?" asked Dean, exasperated.

"Well, I mean, we were the ones to get her killed. What if she doesn't like us anymore?"

"Okay, you can cut this "we" deflection crap, ok. We all know you're worried she won't like you anymore," cut in Dean.

"And, you moron, I think my Dad is to blame for her untimely demise, not you," said Gabriel. Cas was looking between them like he was watching a tennis game, eyes flicking forward and back.

Then, they were in the middle of a two-lane, scrub land on one side, wheatfields on the other, and a hunter in a leather jacket standing by a pay phone.

"Wow. That was fast," called Eileen.

"Well yeah! My brother Cas here flew us. Travel by Angel Air!" shouted Gabriel, signing along in perfect ASL, fingers wide with glee. "Now? Shall we go home? Perfect!" Without waiting for a reply, Gabriel immediately snapped them home.

"Good to see you", signed Dean, a small smile on his face, once they had landed

"You know ASL? When did you learn that?!" signed Eileen quizzically. Dean looked puzzled.

"Er, Gabriel, you seem to be fluent. Can you tell the lovely lady that I've only learnt a bit? Someone's got to tell her embarrassing stories about Sammy, so I picked up on the basics."

"You know I can still read lips, right?"

"Oh yeah, forgot." There was quiet for s moment, then Dean spun on his heel to face his younger brother.

"Sam? The lady's waiting?" Sam seemed to come to his senses as Dean clicked his fingers at him.

"Um, yeah, could you guys give us a moment?"

Dean opened up his mouth to argue, but Cas fixed him with a stern look. Gabriel opened the door and ushered them both out. Once outside the door, the three men started staging a small whisper fight.

"(Right, now you two are going to go, make out, or whatever, and I'm going to listen at the keyhole.)" Dean blushed, but Cas glared at his brother.

"(If you think you are the only one with a wish to see this reunion, you're mistaken! I'll watch through the keyhole, you can look under the door!"

"(Both of you, he's my brother, I get first pick. I'll look through the keyhole, Gabriel, look under the door.)" Gabriel glared, and Cas gestured.

"(But then where do I look?)"

"(I don't know Cas, the crack?)"

"(Ok)"

Gabriel started giggling.  
"(He he. Hey Castiel, do you like looking at cracks?)" Dean glared at Gabriel, while Cas looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. Then they took their places, and caught the tail of the conversation. The awkward positioning had Dean and Cas' cheeks pressed together, and thus, said cheeks were rapidly reddening.

"- really good to have you back," Sam was saying and signing.

"Well. I'm glad to be back."

"Eileen, well I-I just wanted to say that... well, I am really very glad that you're ok," stuttered Sam. Eileen raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I am, you know, very glad. Because I-I really like you. And I may be going too serious for a relationship on first date levels, but I-"

"Yes?"

"Well, I think you are an amazing person, a great hunter, and really fun to be around. So, the truth is, I like you. A lot. And I was just wondering if you might do me the honour of becoming my girlfriend. I-if you want to, of course, and I don't want to make things awkward-"

At that point, Eileen grabbed his broad shoulders, and pulled him down into a kiss.

The kiss had gone on for a good ten, fifteen seconds before Gabriel intervened. Golden confetti rained from the ceiling, music started playing, and Gabriel blew a party blower as her burst opened the doors. There were also long strips of flannel for bunting

Both Sam and Eileen were grinning and blushing and giggling like a pair of teenagers. Gabriel was dancing around like a nut job, switching up the tracks between party music and love songs, all with a loud baseline, so Eileen could enjoy it too.

"Congratulations to Eileen for scoring this piece of fine ass! If you two weren't such a cute couple, I'd climb him like a tree!"

Cas was smiling, and congratulating the couple on finally getting together. He looked over at Dean and smiled hesitantly. Dean instantly responded, before stopping and blushing to his roots. Cas looked at him quizzically, but Dean had turned his attention to his brother.

"Proud of you, Sammy," whispered Dean, as he clapped him on the back. Those words spoke volumes.They spoke of 17-odd years, centuries in Hell, and one ongoing quest to save the world since that night all those years ago, when Dean had broken into the apartment and informed him that their dad was on a hunting trip, and hadn't been home in a few days. Since Jess had been killed, forcing Sam back onto the open road, into a life he never wanted, and started the cycle of tragedy all over again for the brothers. Since they had become brothers all over again after years of estrangement. They had made it through those long years, not necessarily in one piece, or even alive for a lot of it. But they had made it here.

God himself was defeated, a long stretch from the woman in white from their first hunt back together. More importantly, Gid was defeated, they were alive, and Sam was happy.

A few minutes later, they all proceeded into a sort of 'snug' room, that they had set up a while back, and started a cheesy B- movie with subtitles to wind down, Sam and Eileen exchanging sappy looks every five seconds. Gabriel was dozing off, slightly pale. Apparently, creating large impromptu parties are not a good idea for angels with recovering Grace.

But it was after Cas tried to move his hand onto Dean's leg that the evening got interesting. Dean sucked in his breath and went incredibly tense. Upon feeling this, Cas tried running his hand up and down his leg to calm him, but this just had him jumping up.

"Sammy, can I talk to you outside?" asked Dean, quietly.

Sam nodded, disentangling himself from Eileen, and glancing over at Gabriel. Once out in the hallway, Dean grabbed his arm, a sort of crazed panic dancing in his eyes.

"What am I supposed to do?!" he whisper shouted.

"Dean, what are you talking about?"

"Cas! Y'know, just Cas, and his incredibly not platonic touching!"

"Yeah, but you were always a bit more than platonic. I knew there was something between you too. And so did everyone else."

"That's it though! How did you know?! How did I not?! How did Cas?! Why-"

"Dean, Dean. Dean," called Sam trying to get his brother's attention.

"What?"

"Breathe." Dean started exaggerating very slow in-out breathing. Sam rolled his eyes, and then continued into his psychoanalysis of his brother.

"So what is it? Before he was a tragic death, and now he's a potential partner? It all getting a little too real?" Dean rubbed one hand over his face.

"Yeah. That's basically it. Before he was a dead crush, now he's a livin' breathin' guy. Who, by the way, keeps gettin' all touchy feely, puttin' his hands all over me, makin' me feel all funny. Like, I like him, but he doesn't know. What do I do? Help me Sammy."

"It's pretty obvious what you have to do. You already missed so many chances to tell him how you feel. Don't keep making the same mistakes." And with that, Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder, and reentered the TV room. Dean was left pacing in the corridor, running his mind off, muttering to himself. He almost opened the door twice.

Nearly ten minutes after Sam had left him, Dean finally hit the bullet. He had helped defeat God for... Jack's? sake. He could open up about a stupid crush. But it's not just a crush, is it? said a little voice in his head. You love him. You have for a very long time. You're scared he'll reject you. That his feelings arent as deep as yours. He might only be seeing the surface. You can't let him any closer, because then he'll see how much of you is just crap. And he'll leave- 

"Shut up!" yelled Dean at his own mind, realizing too late he had spoken aloud. The door he had been deliberating in front of opened, and someone slipped out.

"Oh, hey Cas," stuttered Dean, trying to sound nonchalant, and failing. Cas looked more angelic than he ever had in the service of Heaven. His cheeks were soft and rosy, just the right amount of 5 o'clock shadow. His eyes seemed blue than they had ever been, and his voice. It did things to Dean. Gravelly and silky at the same time, it truly was the voice of what humanity thought angels were like.

"Hello Dean."

"You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that again." Cas smiled softly. Taking a deep breath, Dean spoke again.

"Cas, can we talk?"

"Of course, what is it you want to say?"

"Ok, I meant like, somewhere else." Cas nodded, and allowed Dean to lead him down the corridor. Though Dean's stomach was fluttering, his palms clammy, and his heart racing, he was resolute. For once in his life, he would be honest when it came to Cas. He would try and tell the truth.


	3. Vigil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with the Destiel confession you have been waiting avidly for. Featuring great actors like: happy crying, confessing fears, mild smut, sharing a bed, horrible nightmares, and floof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Destiel centric. I'm sorry there's no more resurrection yet. Thanks once again for reading! Yep, unbetaed. This is a story of love, family, and a world that will always need the Winchesters.
> 
> Please review! Gives me life.

The door opened to Dean's bedroom, and both Dean and Cas walked in. Cas stood awkwardly, clutching at the sleeves of his trench coat, and averting his eyes. Dean was standing further into the room, facing the wall, drawing in breaths that were too shallow to be normal. He clenched and unclenched his hands in panicked motions as he tried to calm his breathing.

Sensing this, Cas came up behind him, and layed a hand on his shoulder. Dean shrugged him off immediately, walking over to his bed. He looked determinedly into his lap, refusing to see the hurt in Cas' beautiful blue eyes.

"Dean." Cas' voice was pained, imploring, and concerned. A million questions, hopes and dreams and worries behind the single word. Dean took a shuddering breath. No one had ever managed to say his name like Cas could. The way he said it couldn't be described. It was almost reverent - prayer like even. The thought of an angel praying to him was so ridiculous he let out a small laugh.

"What's funny?" asked Cas, an adorable look of confusion on his face.

"You Cas. Not that I'm laughing at you in anyway. You're just you. And that's- well you're- you're just so- just, never change Cas," said Dean, stumbling over the words.

"Ok. So, you said you wanted to talk. Is this about what I-"

"Something like th-"

"Because I did mean-"

"I know you did, and-"

"And I'm sorry-"

"Nothing like that-"

"-if I made things awkward"

"I'm the one who-"

"I apologise-"

"Shut up, Cas!" shouted Dean, interrupting their fractured conversation with a shaky voice.

"Dean? Are you-"

"Ok? No! Not really. Where did I go wrong Cas? Where did I screw up, screw you up so bad that you think you need to apologise for telling me your feelings?! That you need to fix everything in order to be family? That you need to be useful in order for us to love you. For me to? I'm always sayin' it, Cas. I need you. Cas, I need you. It doesn't matter if you screwed up, no Grace, no mojo, no wings. I still need you. I need you for being you, not for being an angel."

Cas was rather quiet, eyes shining, watery smile, a similar expression to when he confessed to Dean. He went to speak again, but Dean held up his hand to stop him. "And then there's the biggest issue, isn't there? When did I go so wrong that you thought you could 'have' happiness? That you just had to 'be' it? That you couldn't 'have' me?"

"That's fairly obvious, Dean. You identify as straight, refer to me as a brother, and have never shown any of the sort of interest that I did. Not to mention your extreme emphasis on your attraction to women. And even if you didn't, I couldn't expect you to have any attraction to a broken mess of angel like me," finished Cas with a hollow expression.

"Don't ever call yourself that Cas. Ever. And the reason I kept calling you brother, and talking about women? 'Cause I was lying Cas. I was lying to myself. You are far more than a brother." Cas was staring disbelievingly at him from his perch at the end of the bed. He tilted his head in a confused manner.

"Dean, are you saying-?"

"What you think I'm saying? Yeah, I'd say I probably am. I like you Cas. Like like."

"Dean-"

"No, wait just let me say it. On that day, when you pulled me out of Hell, you saved me. From much more than knives and whips. You brought me into a whole new age. I mean, I was screwed up, am still screwed up, and I'll always be a little screwed up. But you, in your painfully dorky way showed me that there's more than personal vendettas. That sacrifice means more than keeping your little brother safe. That I don't have to be my dad to be a hunter. You say I showed you how care, but you taught me how to live. You were my first friend, really. Before, it was: family, ally, civilian, enemy. And those were the only people in my life. But then I got more friends, and that's when I figured out that you were special. Because you don't make me feel the way I do about anyone. When I was growing up, I always thought I'd die how I lived, pedal to the metal, burn out the road and then burn out of life. Go in a blaze of glory, and all would be well. But you showed me that life has a value. That I should recognise when I have something to live for."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was silence for several seconds. Or possibly many softly lit minutes. Or a few stretching days. Before Cas finally spoke up.

"So where does that leave us?" Dean's face split into a grin, an incredibly hopeful expression.

"Well, it leaves you right next to me, and us on my bed, angel." Cas rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture and averted his eyes.

"If that's ok?" Dean quickly backtracked. "I wouldn't want to presume, anything. I mean, you're an angel of the lord, do you even-"

Cas' lips cut off his babbling. They were warm and moist and slightly chapped. They tasted like honey and toast. How did the angel taste so unfairly awesome? Not that Dean was in anyway complaining, bit Cas had been topside for all of 3 freaking hours! He had eaten neither honey nor toast.

His mind was then very efficiently distracted by Cas' hand snaking round the back of his top, simultaneously brushing Dean's lips with his tongue. In Dean's haste to assist Cas with both actions he accidentally headbutted him. They both broke apart laughing, and Cas looked like he was about to say something, but then Dean took his shirt off, which managed to stop Cas' thought process. Cas' tongue was swiftly in Dean's mouth, running over Dean's tongue, the two men locked in a duel, a dance. Then they were against the wall, Dean's hips grinding down on the growing bulge in Cas' trousers. Cas was panting, eyes filled with both pleasure and alarm. It was this slight fear that made Dean stop.

"Cas, what is it?" asked Dean, gently.

"It's nothing important, I'm sure. It's just, the last and only time I had sex, the woman killed me."

"Oh Cas, I'm sorry. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. We can stop all this."

"No, no, just maybe not too much tonight?" Dean smiled.

"Of course, angel."

"Is that a term of endearment? Should I call you human?"

"Oh, never change Cas. Anyway, where were we?" And they walked over to the bed and exchanged gentle kisses until they both fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was at around 3:00 am when Dean began tossing in his sleep. Nightmares were nothing new to him, but establishing that he had something to lose seemed to have made it so much worse.

_He was walking down a dark hospital corridor backwards, until he found room 235. Someone behind him pushed the door open for him and he stepped inside.There was a single bed occupying the middle of the room, with a curtain around it. In the corner opposite the door, there was a chair with someone in it. Alistair, still plaguing him after years since Hell climbed off the chair, and walked towards Dean, his movements calculated and reptilian. "Hello again, Dean. I've missed you."_

_Dean tried to retort but found his voice gone, his body rooted the spot, and his body completely paralyzed._

_"Do you want to know what happens if you try to have this Dean? When the darkness I beat into you comes out and hurts someone?"_

_Dean shook his head desperately._

_"Or was it always there? That's the truth, isn't it. You were broken long before I ever lay a finger on you. You were made for killing, that's the only thing you can do. The only thing you'll ever be able to do."_

_Dean shook his head again. He was better than that, he looked after Sam, or he tried to, he tried to be good to Cas._

_"You're dirty, Dean. Dirty and blackened. And not just because of the filthy, perverted thoughts you have about that angel. I mean, really Dean? He's an angel. You're you. Why would he ever love you?"_

_Dean was screaming inside his mind._

_"There's a stain on your soul that's always been there. Corrupting anyone who dares care about you. You're a poison, Dean. Would you like to know the symptoms? Well, I'll tell you anyway. First their life becomes tiresome, as you burden them with all your problems. Then, they'll grow sad when their life is interfered with. Next, their faces stain with tears, as everyone they've loved is taken from them. And finally, they die, because they were stupid enough to care about you."_

_Dean was on the verge of tears himself now._

_"Or do you want to see what happens when they come back? Or survive just a little longer than the others?"_

_They turned to the bed. Dean looked at Alistair. Alistair looked at Dean, and smiled. The curtains opened._

_Lying in the bed was Cas. He was limp and frail, and looked ever so small, almost drowning in the sheets. And he was choking. On a black substance, not unlike the Leviathans._

_Alastair had turned into John Winchester. "That's your soul Dean. He touched it, and now it's killing them."_

_Them? Dean looked back to the bed. There were bodies falling out of it. Everyone who he had ever lost, whether he'd got them back or not, were falling to the floor, cold and dead. Sam was there a lot, as was Charlie. And Kevin. And Mary._

_"You killed them son. You weren't strong enough. You weren't good enough. And now you think an angel would love you? I'm disappointed in you Dean. You disgust me."_

_Cas' heart monitor was jumping around, and Dean's mouth unstuck._ _"Cas? Cas?!" Dean shook him and held him as he trembled with his eyes shut tight. And the heart rate was increasing to dangerous levels. It was at 190bpm when Cas' eyes sprung open, his ocean eyes stabbing though Dean."You...killed...me..." and Cas moved no more, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling, no light left in them. Dean could hear the monitor flatlining somewhere in the distance.He didn't care. He was looking at the knife he was holding, with the blade in Cas' chest. Cas was gone._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_"_ Dean? Dean!" Dean jolted upright, bursting out from the nightmare in silent agony.

"Yeah, one sec." Dean started groping blindly to his left.

"Dean, what are you doing?" "Looking, for whiskey, Cas." He then backtracked, and spun around.

"Cas!" He launched himself forward and latched firmly onto his angel. "I thought you- you were- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I'm sorry- I'm sorry."

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair. "Dean, I swear to you, whatever you think happened, didn't, and whatever you think you did, wasn't your fault. Why must you continue to belittle and demonize youself?!"

"Because I'm ten tonnes of shit, Cas! Because I mess up everything, and I poison people."

Cas took in a patient sigh. "Dean, you are not ten tonnes of shit. When you do mess up, which is not as often as you think, you do it with good intentions. And no one leaves you, worse off because of you. I promise."

Dean nodded against Cas chest. "Please stay, Cas. You can't leave, not again."

"Of course Dean." And with that, Dean fell asleep again, curled up next to Cas. And for once, he felt secure in having someone watching him. Cas stayed sitting next to his unconscious form, carding his fingers through Dean's hair, watching as he kept his silent vigil.

Bonus:

"Hey Sammy, do you reckon our brothers have got to third base yet?" asked Gabriel, excitedly.

"Honestly, no," replied Sam, and then continued at his questioning look. "Look, in a week or so, they won't be able to keep their hands off each other, and we'll all be walking in on them screwing on the kitchen counter. But for now, they're just going to exist together. Because they're both people who believed they deserved no love, coming to love each other."

There was a pause, where nothing could be heard except Eileen crunching popcorn and then-

"Wow, I see why Deano calls you a sap. I mean, did you want me to put on the orchestral music, or-"

"Shut up."


	4. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destiel does deep talks and Charlie's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: More returns! Mild smut! Friends! Family! Talks about the future! Pranks! This chapter has everything except angst! Probably.

Cas woke up in Dean's arms. Dean's arms were very nice. Muscular enough to make Cas feel a ludicrous sense of safety, despite having fully restored Grace, and thus being far more powerful than Dean. Warm enough to keep Cas at an optimum temperature even though the blankets had been kicked off him in the night. Secure enough that Cas felt that nothing could touch him.

Well, except for Dean. Whose morning wood was pressed into Cas' hip. Cas shifted involuntarily against it, and Dean let out a soft moan in his sleep. Immediately latching onto that sound, Cas shifted again. Dean unconsciously bucked into Cas' hip. Cas wriggled his hips, and Dean ground down onto him. It was when Cas rotated his ass into Dean's crotch that Dean woke up. Unfortunately, he jolted so hard upon waking, he fell into Cas, who jumped in surprise, and pushed him onto the floor.

"Dean!"

"Dammit, Cas!" Dean shouted from his cocoon of sheets and blankets. Some things never change.

"I'm sorry Dean, you woke so suddenly, and honestly, you can't give me all the blame-" rambled Cas, which stopped when he realized Dean was silent. He prodded him gently, and Dean lifted his head. He was blushing all the way down his neck, and looking anywhere but the tented fabric of his slacks.

"Did I- um, did we, er..." sputtered Dean.

"You were asleep, Dean, you cannot be held accountable for-"

Dean scrambled across the room. "Shit, Cas, I practically assaulted you. I curled up around you like some clingy freshman! That's not ok, you cannot be ok with-"

"Dean!" Cas voice cut him off. "I am trying to understand you, but what could you possibly be thinking. You seek connection and affection in your sleep, probably to make up for your profound lack of it in real life, and then apologise for it? Why?"

"Who knew you moonlighted as a shrink, Cas?" deflected Dean. Cas fixed him with a look. Dean sighed.

"Because I'm Dean Winchester. Because I don't have good things happen to me. Because I don't deserve them. Because- because-"

"Because what?"

"Because I don't deserve you!" Dean burst out.

"And why," asked Cas, his voice deceptively soft, "would you think that?"

"You, Cas. I don't think you get how big a deal you are to a mess of a human like me. You are beautiful, and brave, a loyal, and loving, and so amazingly free, but those ard all the human traits of yours. You're so powerful, and infinite, and I'm a poison. I'm almost entirely crap, and you're pure, and untainted, and I can't let you be destroyed like I am!" There was silence for a few moments, in which all you could here was Cas' measured breaths before Cas blew up.

"You, Dean Winchester, are an idiot! I wondered why you are Michael's vessel. Loyalty, love, free will? I would have stayed completely ignorant to all these things! Like I said before, it is because of you that I care! You are not a poison, Dean. You were my salvation, just as much as I was yours. You are not destroyed. You are my human, and you deserve to be saved!" shouted Cas with a possessive gleam in his eye that had Dean gulping and hitching one leg in front of the other.

"Ok," said conceded Dean, his voice not nearly as strong as he would like it to be.

"Now, I rather liked where we were before. Do you wish to continue?" Dean nodded his reply with a rather dry mouth, and then surged onto the bed to meet Cas' lips.

Cas responded with equal amounts of enthusiasm, pressing his mouth into Dean, tilting his head back, and running a hand through his hair much in the same manner as he had kissed Meg, all those years ago.

But there was something different about how he kissed Dean. Little actions revealing of a deep intimacy between them. Their chests were flush against each other. Dean arm was looped around Cas' waist. Little moans passed between them as they rocked together in loving pleasure. Cas smiled as Dean tilted his neck back to show his angel the extent of his surrender to these new feelings.

Hands snaked around arms, tongues teased the seam of lips, two men getting closer and closer. Cas panted, and ground down, both forcing Dean into submission, and showing how desperate he was. Dean had just snaked his hand down to Cas' belt buckle when-

"Woohoo! Yeah! Get some, Cassie!"

"Gabriel!" exclaimed Cas, looking scandalized, mouth dropping open in horror. Dean flushed from his neck up to his roots, pulling the sheets around him and Cas.

"Oh relax you prudes. I haven't seen anything. I've only been in here a minute. I haven't overheard any of your no doubt heartfelt and emotional conversations.

"Is there even a reason for you being here, jackass?!" shouted Dean

"Er, yes actually, genius. There's a chick at the door. Red hair, chatty, smiley. Said her name was Cherry? Shelley?"

"Charlie?" asked Dean, hopefully, and dreading.

"Yeah! That was it! A chick named Charlie."

Dean had lept out of bed, tripping over himself in his hurry to put on jeans, vaulting out the doorway, and tearing down the corridor with Cas sprinting after him.

Halfway down one hallway, he crashed into Sam running in from the other direction. They both scrabbled to their feet and set off towards the front door, but they'd only made it round the next corridor when the bowled Eileen over. Cas stepped towards the leaning tower of hunters, and touched his hands to them.

When they sat up, they were right by the front door. Dean rubbed his head and accepted Cas hand. Sam helped Eileen to her feet.

"Thanks Cas," sighed Dean. Someone rapped on the door.

"You reckon?" asked Sam

"Could be," replied Dean, doubtfully. "Best not to get your hopes up."

"Yes, I'm sure there are so many smiley chatty redheads called Charlie who know the location of the bunker," said Cas, sarcastically. Sam looked impressed. Dean looked mildly taken aback by that.

"Woah little bro, didn't know you had it in you. Deano's been rubbing off on you. Although not in the fun way. Yet. But yes, it's her," spoke Gabriel from his perch on the banister. He magicked the door open.

Charlie stood there awkwardly.

Can I come in guys?"

"Er, yes, yes," blustered Sam. She stepped inside and set down her bag.

"Now, what happened? Because last thing I remember is you leaving to figure out what happened to Stevie, and then, I back in the living room, with Stevie, and it's two days later."

There was an awkward silence that hung in the air for several minutes whilst Dean opened and shut his mouth like a fish. Sam rubbed the back of his neck, and looked at Eileen. Cas looked down at the floor.

"You died," Gabriel put simply. They all looked at him.

"Oh, that's... cool. Er. I guess even with that, I'm still not leading on the death count. I mean, this world me died twice, so me me stepped in. And then I died. And now I'm back. If that makes sense. Huh."

The silence hung for a few more seconds when-

"Oh, just let me hug you, you morons!" called out Charlie. Sam and Dean moved as one unit, Dean wrapping his arms around her protectively, and Sam enclosing her in one of his famous bear hugs. From the flannel lined depths she whispered to them "You guys did it. You won. I don't know what happened, but I'm back, and you're both still here. Cas is here. The chick I'm assuming is Eileen is here. The weirdo with the lollipop is here, and no one's killing him, so I guess that's a good thing too."

And then the tender moment was broken by Gabriel.

"Weirdo with a lollipop? Weirdo with a lollipop?! I am offended. The words "handsome son of a gun" should be in there at least!"

"How- how did you hear me? How did he hear me?" stammered Charlie.

"I'm an archangel!"

"Oh my God, I'm sorry. Oh wait, I probably shouldn't say that either. Don't, like, smite me or anything."

Gabriel laughed. "You're alright, kid. Besides, taking the Lord's name in vain is definitely a-ok now. Use it as a curse word, blame him for all of your problems, because he is to blame for them," said Gabriel, finishing slightly bitterly, closing his eyes.

"He's gone now Gabriel," Cas reminded him gently. Gabriel nodded, but his hands still clenched angrily.

"Wait, who's gone? God! What did He do? What happened? Wait, did you-"

"All will be answered. For now, who wants a beer?" All hands went up in favour, so they all walked down to the kitchen, taking their first steps towards understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there would be no angst. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry it's taken me so long to upload. Thankfully, this means the next chapter will be sooner then normal.


End file.
